And by "let's talk" I mean I'll do the ranting, and you decide whether you want to stick around.
I already have a perfect neck strap. I got it for free when I bought a Nikon FE in Ginza, Tokyo. I think it was in 2013. The strap served me well with a variety of film cameras, and now I'm using it with my Nikon D800. Despite its age, the strap looks like new. While it's the most unremarkable neck strap, it's also everything a good neck strap should be. There is no branding whatsoever to attract attention. It's made of a single piece of webbing, so there is no stitching that can fail. The strap is soft, and its loops are made of strong plastic. This means that 1) I can wrap the strap around the camera or lens, 2) do so without worrying about scratches, and 3) I can loop the strap around my wrist, so it can act as a wrist strap. There is an anti-slip strip on the inside of the strap. In short, it's an affordable, simple, reliable, and functional strap.
And it seems that a strap like that is virtually impossible to find. Most straps these days are either overpriced or over-engineered or both. Peak Design with their leashes and cuffs lead the pack, but other manufacturers are not far behind. I'm not a professional photographer, so I don't know how valuable the quick-release mechanism and the easy strap adjustment features are for users. How often do I need to detach a strap from my camera? Never. And that's kind of the point: I want the strap to be permanently attached to my camera. And how often do I adjust the strap's length? Just once, when I attach the strap to the camera. Because, you know, I stopped growing a long time ago. Sure, a quick release makes it possible to use the same strap with several cameras. But for the price you pay for a Peak Design Leash, you can buy a handful of regular straps (or rather you could if they were to be found). And in addition to being outlandishly expensive, the Peak Design Slide Black camera strap is bulky, rigid, and takes up considerable space in a photo bag.
There are, of course, alternatives like Spinn adjustable comfort strap. But, come on, €49.00 for a strap? And mind you, it has multiple parts, which means multiple points of failure. Amazon, as expected, is awash with inexpensive neck straps. Some of them even look decent. But most of them have stitching. And as the saying goes, your strap is only as strong as its weakest stitching. Well, I've just made this up, but it's true, and I'm not going to use my camera to test the strength of straps made by reputable companies like TOKIISHE, KTUEOV, Ztowoto, LIGHTAOTAO, and such.
So all I want is a neck strap similar to the one I have. But I can't have it, because apparently taking a single piece of webbing that doesn't look like a tacky fashion statement, slapping an anti-slip strip on it, and adding two plastic loops is an endeavor no one is willing to undertake. Or maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. In which case, if you know the right place, please do let me know!
P.S. There are a few decent webbing neck straps close to what I want on Etsy, but none of them can be used with the standard split rings.