And by "let's talk" I mean I'll do the ranting, and you decide whether you want to stick around.
I already have a perfect neck strap. I got it for free when I bought a Nikon FE in Ginza, Tokyo. I think it was in 2013. The strap served me well with a variety of film cameras, and now I'm using it with my Nikon D800. Despite its age, the strap looks like new. While it's the most unremarkable neck strap, it's also everything a good neck strap should be. There is no branding whatsoever to attract attention. It's made of a single piece of webbing, so there is no stitching that can fail. The strap is soft, and its loops are made of strong plastic. This means that 1) I can wrap the strap around the camera or lens, 2) do so without worrying about scratches, and 3) I can loop the strap around my wrist, so it can act as a wrist strap. There is an anti-slip strip on the inside of the strap. In short, it's an affordable, simple, reliable, and functional strap.